Deformed Elephant Surgery - Unicorn Worship (2019)

So, here it finally is! The tenth anniversary EP! Hopefully it being just an EP isn't too much of a disappointment for those who were expecting a full-length album, but I'm not saying it won't be expanded into one later. I'm also not saying it will be, though, because that would depend on various factors. Anyway...

1. Unicorn Worship
2. No Loli-Gagging
3. BEAR HERO
4. Lepidopterous Inundation
5. Scarlet Explosion
6. Pink Unicorn Chaos Rainbow
7. Snuff Film Casting Call
8. Cute Girls Cutting Zombies to Pieces
9. Unicorn Worship (instrumental)
10. No Loli-Gagging (instrumental)
11. BEAR HERO (instrumental)
12. Lepidopterous Inundation (instrumental)
13. Scarlet Explosion (instrumental)
14. Pink Unicorn Chaos Rainbow (instrumental)
15. Snuff Film Casting Call (instrumental)
16. Cute Girls Cutting Zombies to Pieces (instrumental)

Guitars and bass by Aljaž Špehar on tracks 1, 3, 5, 6 and 8 (Aljaž's Youtube & Twitter)
Guitars and bass by PSYCHSTEY on tracks 2, 4 and 7 (PSYCHSTEY's Bandcamp, Youtube & Twitter)

Click here to listen to the entire EP on Youtube (well, without the instrumental versions)

Download from Bandcamp or Mediafire

This is the first (but hopefully not last) DES release with real guitars, and as you can hear, it makes a pretty huge difference not just in terms of how the songs sound but what the songs are like, and I'm really glad about that and generally thankful to Aljaž and PSYCHSTEY for collabing with me on this!

Um, bronies + pink unicorns + new DES song

Sometimes, people think I'm a brony. I mean, I get it; I like colourful unicorns and rainbows, I like the emoticon :3, I come across as immature sometimes, some of my music appeals to bronies, I like anything that would make any late scene kid scream "KAWAIIIII~" from the bottom of their lungs, I often like bronies and bronettes, etc... but I don't like My Little Pony.

And yes, I've tried to get into MLP, but I just can't bring myself to watch even one episode without facepalming my palms sweatier than Eminem after hearing that MGK thinks his daughter is hot. Does that mean I hate it and every brony/bronette in existence? Fuck no.

So, if you're a brony/bronette, don't hate me, because I probably think you're one pretty cool ass awesome person.

Oh, and I know the female equivalent of a brony is actually "pegasister", but that's too much like Peg-A-Sister, which sounds like an incestuous version of Whack-A-Mole... a game where any number of female participants stand on one side of a wall with a gloryhole for each, the single male participant on the other side given freedom to insert his penis into these holes to engage in penetrative sex with the corresponding female participants, but he has to choose one. There's a timer that runs down from a number of minutes equal to the amount of female participants. If he's fucking his sister when the timer runs out, he wins and the prize is to have one of his testicles surgically removed and a literal slap on the wrist. If, on the other hand, he's fucking anybody but his sister when the timer runs out, his dick and balls will be stuffed through a meatgrinder and the word "rapist" tattooed on his forehead. His sister will then win 100 000€ in compensation for physical and emotional suffering, and each of the other participants will receive therapy/counselling because it probably hurts to have sex with a guy who thinks he's fucking his own sister.

...and now that that's off the way, moving on to another subject. I present to you, a pink unicorn with cheesy glitter nipples being molested by tentacles! (Click it for full size.)

Ignore the fact that there's no tail, I forgot and got lazy... but you'll get plenty of that in just a moment, so don't get on my ass about it or anything. This is probably one of the best art-things I've ever done, so I'm really proud. I don't know if I should be, but I am.

I also posted it on Tumblr. In case it's not painfully obvious what my url is, it's vlyrch.tumblr.com because I'm imaginative like that. That was sarcasm, by the way, if someone's deaf/blind to that. I can't come up with names for things easily, and so I usually go with the most obvious, lame and boring thing ever. That applies to lyrics and song titles, album titles, etc. even more than anything else, so yeah... creativity and stuff comes naturally, but organisation... eh... not so much.

...and since it's one of my great dreams in life to find a horse and strap a dildo on its head... creating the first real-life specimen of a whole new subspecies of unicorn to-be-labelled equus unicornis phallicus... and set up cameras to record the owner's reaction, make a song with samples from his/her noises, then get someone to edit the video to be awesome with flashy effects and shit as a music video... but my balls aren't nearly big enough to do that, so I have to settle for something less dramatic and epic. A lot less dramatic. Even less epic.

It's yet another pink unicorn, only this one is... well... the most blatantly Freudian incarnation of unicorn symbolism? (Again, click to make it bigger.)

As you can see, I spent way too much time on making the penis detailed. Is that a bad thing? Does it make me a pervert? Well, let me tell you: it doesn't. Because, I mean, if I was a pervert, I'd do something kinky with a phallic unicorn. But I wouldn't, so I can't be a pervert. Not that kinda pervert, at least. Like, what kind of a sick fuck would dare touch that glorious cock? What. Did that sound as gay as I think it did? Doesn't matter. I'm not gay for unicorns, or mostly gay in general, unless we're talking about a certain guy. Or a bunch of guys, really. But I'm mostly straight, so...

...

And last night (or... whenever the fuck that was), I was just minding my own business, doing nothing, really, when I suddenly noticed that there had been two more "likes" on Facebook... and now, it just blows my mind. THERE ARE SIX HUNDRED PEOPLE WHO LIKE MY MUSIC. WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL SHIT?!?!!?

THANKS, EVERYONE, FOR SUPPORTING ME!!!

Sadly, I literally haven't finished even one song since "Rushed Light Onset" yet, apart from this one and a shitty goregrind thing... oh well. I tried to make this a little more "structural" than most stuff I've done, but I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Either way, here's "Accidental Equine Transvection", which ended up sounding pretty cool in my own humble(?) opinion:



EDIT, 23rd of April:
Included the new version of the song, which you can download from Bandcamp for free: click here, along with the EP that it's on, "Anecdotal Equine Ballistics".

Idiotic idioms + DES bandcamp + new version of Burning Bush Monkey

If you want to make people look at you like "wtf bro", say these things to them. I'm sure in a few days you'll become the village potato, or if you fail at delivering the punchline (since when do idioms have punchlines?), at least you'll become the village unicorn, and that's awesome as well.

Some of these are references to my songs, so if you say them, you're supporting me as well, so you get a free turtlefuck lesson from your nearest potato. If you don't, well, that's not my fault, but yours for trying to talk to a potato and expecting it to answer. Everyone knows that potatoes don't talk, they have fance to think about; it would make them look like tomatoes if they went around speaking to random people.

"The grass is greener at the end of the rainbow."
"A potato is mightier than a sword if the sword isn't a potato, but even if it is, the potato is still mightier."
"Don't hate me if your penis is smaller than mine, hate your penis and cut it off."
"No man can turtlefuck his own knee."
"Ladies and gentlemen, look at my unicorn. My unicorn has five legs."

...I'm sure that if you say the last one in a grocery store, they'll probably throw you out and give you 10€ to hire a prostitute for some reason, since they think you're sexually frustrated and that the fifth leg is a penis, even though it's not, it's a fifth leg that grows from the neck or stomach or chest or something. And also:

Click that banner image thingy to go to the Bandcamp page. Basically, people on Facebook convinced me to register there, and so i did, and uploaded the newest album there. Of course, it's only the actual album and not the extra stuff, since one of those had that Dalek sound, and without it, it wouldn't be the same, so all those extra songs aren't there, but I'm pretty sure no one cares one bit about that, since it was just one really boring deathcore song that had the most überbrutal breakdown that is humanely possible (notice the sarcasm; read as: the most clichéd breakdown that is so lame it can't even be comprehended by the human ears) ("Extermination", which is the one with the Dalek thing; click this to listen it on Youtube if you didn't already when I first uploaded it and posted that post about it (I can't make coherent sentences today for some reason...)) and a remastered/re-whatevered version of "Burning Bush Monkey", and of "Four-Dimensional Intercourse Pentagram", but that still sounded like absolute shit, and the awfully failed "Bunny-Induced Amnesia", which had that autotune fail (but I was too lazy to change it), and an overall very, very experimental (read as: a total mess) "Flying Combat Sharks", a short and porny version of "Hyperspherification", titled "Hypersphernography", and a short, lame "Rotten Crawling Things".

So yeah, if you download it from Bandcamp, you don't miss much. And besides, why would you download it from Bandcamp when you can download it from the blog post just before this one, which I'm gonna link here just to annoy you even more? (If the first links stop working, download from the ones under those; it's just divided differently.) But yeah, if you want to download it from there, go and download it from there. :P

By the way, I uploaded the remastered/re-recorded/re-edited/re-whatevered version of "Burning Bush Monkey" to Youtube.


I'm even more proud of it now, since the whole contrast between the happy pop-like parts and dubsteppish wub wub wub parts is a lot bigger, and I think it's probably not totally impossible to make out the lyrics. Of course, it could be that it is, but well... it's okay, since that's not the most important thing about stuff. If you want to download just this song, click this.

Deformed Elephant Surgery - Pink Unicorn's Extraordinary Adventures (2012)

It's finally finished! Over two hours long, more variety than ever before, and most of all, it's the best album I've ever done. Obviously, I always say that, but it's true; I keep getting better. If you don't believe me, well, just listen the album, you won't lose anything even if you don't like it.

Download: part 1 and part 2

The album is divided in two "themes" and extra stuff which are re-whatevered versions of older songs and stuff that didn't fit into either of those two "concepts" that are on the main parts of the album.

Tracklists:

Pink Unicorn's Extraordinary Adventures at the End of the Rainbow

01. I Came, I Saw, I Followed the Chicken Across the Road
02. Black Hole Tentacles
03. Transtemporal Locomotive
04. Bepurpalusk
05. Goliath and the Black-Eyed Children
06. Goliath's Escape from Hell
07. Hyperspherification
08. Pegamower 33
09. Vacant in a State of Naked Sex
10. Pink Unicorn's Extraordinary Adventures
11. Vibrathepulture
12. My Unicorn Has Five Legs
13. Saprophytic Nymphean Masochist
14. Vagabond Swarm of Galactic Devourers

Pink Unicorn's Extraordinary Adventures in Space and Time

01. Hyperbolic Prismatorhombated Hecatonicosachoron Portal
02. Gyrating Tesseractic Megalith
03. Objects of Spatial Distortion
04. Industrial-Incubated Intestines
05. Death Ray Paroxysm
06. Cocktouch Mountain (the Hypercone of Ylem)
07. Hovering Glass Pyramid of Extinction

Extra

01. Burning Bush Monkey
02. Extermination
03. Four-Dimensional Intercourse Pentagram
04. Bunny-Induced Amnesia
05. Flying Combat Sharks
06. Hypersphernography
07. Rotten Crawling Things

If you want to listen before downloading, here's one song:



I'm really, really proud of this whole album, since, you know, it's so huge and stuff, and like I said, all the variety. I've never succeeded at doing anything as clear-sounding before either, so that's another thing I'm really proud of. Although some people might feel like the lack of distortion, brutality, etc. is me "selling out", it's obvious that it's not; if I was to "sell out", I'd start selling my music, you know. :P Which, mind you, is perfectly possible at some point in my life if I just get the chance to do that. But for now, it's not, so I don't care, and I do whatever I want, and right now that's stuff that sounds like this.

Anyway, some of the vocals are pretty damn distorted in a lot of songs, since my brother suggested that (probably didn't mean that much, but well... xD) and that's one of the reasons that I'm really proud of it. So it should go without saying that I couldn't have done with album without my brother, who gave ideas and helped me a lot by just that. \(ᴼᴗᴼ)/

Please, everyone, share this album with your friends, "like" on Facebook, and subscribe on Youtube and "like" the songs there, etc. and whatnot, post it on your blogs/whatever, and so on, since there's that music blog extinction going on, and it's making it even harder to get any publicity at all.

Promo images for "Pink Unicorn's Extraordinary Adventures" + progress update announcement + Black Hole Tentacles

I couldn't sleep last night, and so I was naturally in an art-doing mood, and since the new album is almost done, I thought I'd do something like this just for fun. I'm not sure how these could be "promo" images in any way, since they're like this (not that I'd even completely understand the point of promo images even if they would be useful somehow...), but yeah, if you're into that kinda thing, print them or whatever, would be funny if some school suddenly had one of these in every door. Can you imagine that? :P I'd probably get sued, though, so don't do that, but you know, weeeeell...

 And also, the album is already almost two hours (1 hour and about 45 minutes), but I'm gonna do stuff until there's at least exactly two hours, and I'm trying to get it finished before Christmas, preferebly by the 21st of December, since, you know, supposedly the end of the world and all that, which would probably mean a lot more people would listen it. Anyway, I'm 99% sure it'll be done before the end of the year, and if not, well, that's going to suck, and would mean my creativity would get problematic again, which is already starting to happen today, so, ugh...

And well, I uploaded one new song to Youtube, "Black Hole Tentacles", which I'm really proud of and stuff.