My story was translated and narrated by a German creepypasta Youtuber?!

Last December, I wrote a story called Moult and posted it on the Creepypasta Wiki. The next day, somebody commented on it. To this day, it's the only comment on the story, a clear indicator that very few people have even read it.

...but last night, I found out that some dude had translated it into German and narrated it on his Youtube channel called Hellscythe German Creepypasta!😳 The video has over 30,000 views and over a thousand likes, which is absolutely baffling to me since, you know, the original story itself has probably been read only a dozen or so times. So, one of those few people who read it then put in the effort to translate it, narrate it and upload it to Youtube. He even included a link to the story in the video description, which I've heard is something a lot of creepypasta narrators on Youtube don't do. You can't imagine how happy this makes me.😊

Contrary to popular belief what a handful of people have assumed, I don't speak German (I only know a couple of words and very basic grammar), so I can't tell whether the translation is faithful or if something was changed, but I'd at least like to assume that the only changes, if any, would be ones that make sense in the context of translation; I know translating stuff can be difficult and time-consuming, and I'm also aware my writing style is a bit wonky at times.

If one of the three(?) people reading this blog post happens to know German and has the patience to sit through the 23 minutes of German narration while simultaneously reading the original in English, I'd like to know if there are any obvious mistranslations or such. I'd be especially interested in how he handled file-virus, considering that was intended to be a mispronunciation of filovirus; I can hear the word virus in the narration, but... well, like I said, I don't understand German haha. It's about 17 minutes into the video.

Running all the comments through Google Translate, I found out that there are several people who'd like a sequel. It's something I've been considering ever since I finished the story, but now I finally got the motivation to actually start writing one. No idea when it'll be finished, but I'm off to a good start.

Vlürch - Kenosis (2014)

ပျိူံ့းཀྨཱིཾ་ဌ်ာံ့ঙৣঁঃ　　｜　　०͕̫̖̝̯̞́ϟ͎̻̰̞ⴕ̦̼̺͎͎̤̙̀͐̽̓͒ͣￛ͂̌́͑ͯⴑͫ̋̉̄͂ͫ̀८͐ͤ̈́◜̇̈́̑̎̓ͦ̈◜̣̙̺̿̉ͨͯ̚ϡ̪̅ͯ̎̽̒　　｜　　ૐॐༀ៚

1. Samsara
2. Manala
3. Pandora Deliria
4. Rahu
5. The Cloven Visitor
6. Apotheosis
7. Kenosis
8. Naraka
Click song titles to listen on Youtube.

Download: click here
You can also download it from Bandcamp if you prefer that.

०८◜◜०ⴕੴ

So, I just finished this new album. It's pretty epic if I can say so myself. Most of the songs have lyrics in random as fuck mixtures of various languages and plain and simple gibberish, though there's some English as well, and whenever any of it makes any sense it's something about religion and mythologies. Not in a way that's pro-religion or anti-religion, just about that stuff. Anyway, I hope people like it, but if not, tell me why because I honestly think it turned out better than anything I've ever done before; I mean, this is a bit like how I wanted "Empyreal Obtenebration" to sound but just wasn't good enough at anything yet to do that, but on the other hand there isn't all that much in-your-face synth stuff*. And I don't sound like Gollum anymore when I sing clean vocals, at least not unless I want to. Anyway, let me know what you think if you listen!

Here's my Facebook page, by the way, if you wanna "like" it.

*Speaking of which, I kinda want to do a new, better version of "Feeding the Demiurge" one day in the future. The reason I haven't already is that I have no clue how I got that weird ass synth sound and haven't succeeded in getting that type of a sound again. Even if it sounds ridiculously bad and doesn't fit the song, I feel like it's an important part of what makes that song what it is and if I'm gonna do a better version of it, well... it'd need to have that anyway. Maybe if I get in that successful mood without having to arse too much, I'll also do a new version of "Four-Dimensional Fractal Maze". I probably wouldn't make it as dissonant, though...

St. Kain & Wormwood - Lachrymose Mesoglea (2014)

So, here it is: my collab with Onesimus Kain. It's pretty awesome, if I can say that without sounding like half a douchebag. :3

01. Explosive Ophthalmectomy
02. web in ur brains
03. An Adam's Apple a Day Keeps the Witch Doctor Away
04. A Hand, Crumbling
05. Told You to Run
06. A Hole in One Man's Meat is Another Man's God
07. To the Bears

DOWNLOAD

So... yeah. Download it, and be like "I was among the first to download it before these guys became famous as all hell", because that's totally gonna happen. I-I mean... w-why are you l-looking at m-me like t-that? D-did I... oh. Oh. Ok.

(I might write some longer rant about how awesome it turned out and how smoothly things went collabing with Ness, but I'm not sure. Right now, though, I'm not nearly in an objective enough state of mind to do that. XD)

Heave the Sun - Laparotomic Voyage Simulator + how to do static lol + some shitty bird

I made some ambient again, and it turned out a little like some sort of ambient jazz or something. Click here to listen on Youtube, and download from Bandcamp. I'm pretty proud of it, even though it's kinda lame and really calm and stuff; I've already added some guitar stuff to it at a few parts and have plans, but I'm not sure if I can make it any better without changing too many things for it to be the same song. And here's an artwork thingy.

Yes, that's a butterfly with a dick and a pineapple with a vagina. No reason to be confused.

Also, I made a tutorial video of how to make a rain sound and the type of static that old recordings sometimes have. Is it useful? Probably not, but I thought it was the best way to demonstrate why I'm falling in love with the VST called Anenome, which I also used for that warm, fuzzy synth in "Laparotomic Voyage Simulator". :P



I also made a video of doing a shitty-looking bird in Photoshop, because I was bored. It looks like total shit, so don't tell me that I suck at art; I know I do, but if I put effort into it, I can do some okay-looking stuff (at least in terms of photomanipulation and such, and digital painting/whatever if I'm not rushing it, but I always rush it because I get bored and lazy).



Anyway, the music in that latter video is something I'm pretty satisfied with, apart from the string pad thing being way too loud (I've already fixed that and made the song a little bit longer), and am gonna keep working on that song. I hope it'll end up turning out cool, but it probably won't. Doesn't matter, though, because things have been nice lately and my life is so much better than I'd deserve, I'm happier than in a long, long time. :D

I made a piano song

Like the title of this post indicates, I've finally succeeded in what I've wanted to do for a while; a sorta vaguely somewhat classicalish thing. It's not exactly at all like classical, but it's not all over the place all the time and it's just piano stuff, so maybe a little tiny bit kinda distantly classicalish.

Listen on Youtube
Or Tumblr

I called it "Spiral", because... well, I think it's fitting.

The main repetitive part of the song is just Hungarian minor and Ukrainian dorian scales from A with some parts that I didn't care about anything like that, because I generally don't care about scales or shit. Anyway, I'm proud of how it turned out, and my dad didn't hate it, so that's also a thing.

Oh, and don't complain if your hyperposh Western classical music ears find it not very comfortable at parts. It has a couple of pseudo-dissonant moments.

Um, bronies + pink unicorns + new DES song

Sometimes, people think I'm a brony. I mean, I get it; I like colourful unicorns and rainbows, I like the emoticon :3, I come across as immature sometimes, some of my music appeals to bronies, I like anything that would make any late scene kid scream "KAWAIIIII~" from the bottom of their lungs, I often like bronies and bronettes, etc... but I don't like My Little Pony.

And yes, I've tried to get into MLP, but I just can't bring myself to watch even one episode without facepalming my palms sweatier than Eminem after hearing that MGK thinks his daughter is hot. Does that mean I hate it and every brony/bronette in existence? Fuck no.

So, if you're a brony/bronette, don't hate me, because I probably think you're one pretty cool ass awesome person.

Oh, and I know the female equivalent of a brony is actually "pegasister", but that's too much like Peg-A-Sister, which sounds like an incestuous version of Whack-A-Mole... a game where any number of female participants stand on one side of a wall with a gloryhole for each, the single male participant on the other side given freedom to insert his penis into these holes to engage in penetrative sex with the corresponding female participants, but he has to choose one. There's a timer that runs down from a number of minutes equal to the amount of female participants. If he's fucking his sister when the timer runs out, he wins and the prize is to have one of his testicles surgically removed and a literal slap on the wrist. If, on the other hand, he's fucking anybody but his sister when the timer runs out, his dick and balls will be stuffed through a meatgrinder and the word "rapist" tattooed on his forehead. His sister will then win 100 000€ in compensation for physical and emotional suffering, and each of the other participants will receive therapy/counselling because it probably hurts to have sex with a guy who thinks he's fucking his own sister.

...and now that that's off the way, moving on to another subject. I present to you, a pink unicorn with cheesy glitter nipples being molested by tentacles! (Click it for full size.)

Ignore the fact that there's no tail, I forgot and got lazy... but you'll get plenty of that in just a moment, so don't get on my ass about it or anything. This is probably one of the best art-things I've ever done, so I'm really proud. I don't know if I should be, but I am.

I also posted it on Tumblr. In case it's not painfully obvious what my url is, it's vlyrch.tumblr.com because I'm imaginative like that. That was sarcasm, by the way, if someone's deaf/blind to that. I can't come up with names for things easily, and so I usually go with the most obvious, lame and boring thing ever. That applies to lyrics and song titles, album titles, etc. even more than anything else, so yeah... creativity and stuff comes naturally, but organisation... eh... not so much.

...and since it's one of my great dreams in life to find a horse and strap a dildo on its head... creating the first real-life specimen of a whole new subspecies of unicorn to-be-labelled equus unicornis phallicus... and set up cameras to record the owner's reaction, make a song with samples from his/her noises, then get someone to edit the video to be awesome with flashy effects and shit as a music video... but my balls aren't nearly big enough to do that, so I have to settle for something less dramatic and epic. A lot less dramatic. Even less epic.

It's yet another pink unicorn, only this one is... well... the most blatantly Freudian incarnation of unicorn symbolism? (Again, click to make it bigger.)

As you can see, I spent way too much time on making the penis detailed. Is that a bad thing? Does it make me a pervert? Well, let me tell you: it doesn't. Because, I mean, if I was a pervert, I'd do something kinky with a phallic unicorn. But I wouldn't, so I can't be a pervert. Not that kinda pervert, at least. Like, what kind of a sick fuck would dare touch that glorious cock? What. Did that sound as gay as I think it did? Doesn't matter. I'm not gay for unicorns, or mostly gay in general, unless we're talking about a certain guy. Or a bunch of guys, really. But I'm mostly straight, so...

...

And last night (or... whenever the fuck that was), I was just minding my own business, doing nothing, really, when I suddenly noticed that there had been two more "likes" on Facebook... and now, it just blows my mind. THERE ARE SIX HUNDRED PEOPLE WHO LIKE MY MUSIC. WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL SHIT?!?!!?

THANKS, EVERYONE, FOR SUPPORTING ME!!!

Sadly, I literally haven't finished even one song since "Rushed Light Onset" yet, apart from this one and a shitty goregrind thing... oh well. I tried to make this a little more "structural" than most stuff I've done, but I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Either way, here's "Accidental Equine Transvection", which ended up sounding pretty cool in my own humble(?) opinion:



EDIT, 23rd of April:
Included the new version of the song, which you can download from Bandcamp for free: click here, along with the EP that it's on, "Anecdotal Equine Ballistics".

Deformed Elephant Surgery - Pink Unicorn's Extraordinary Adventures (2012)

It's finally finished! Over two hours long, more variety than ever before, and most of all, it's the best album I've ever done. Obviously, I always say that, but it's true; I keep getting better. If you don't believe me, well, just listen the album, you won't lose anything even if you don't like it.

Download: part 1 and part 2

The album is divided in two "themes" and extra stuff which are re-whatevered versions of older songs and stuff that didn't fit into either of those two "concepts" that are on the main parts of the album.

Tracklists:

Pink Unicorn's Extraordinary Adventures at the End of the Rainbow

01. I Came, I Saw, I Followed the Chicken Across the Road
02. Black Hole Tentacles
03. Transtemporal Locomotive
04. Bepurpalusk
05. Goliath and the Black-Eyed Children
06. Goliath's Escape from Hell
07. Hyperspherification
08. Pegamower 33
09. Vacant in a State of Naked Sex
10. Pink Unicorn's Extraordinary Adventures
11. Vibrathepulture
12. My Unicorn Has Five Legs
13. Saprophytic Nymphean Masochist
14. Vagabond Swarm of Galactic Devourers

Pink Unicorn's Extraordinary Adventures in Space and Time

01. Hyperbolic Prismatorhombated Hecatonicosachoron Portal
02. Gyrating Tesseractic Megalith
03. Objects of Spatial Distortion
04. Industrial-Incubated Intestines
05. Death Ray Paroxysm
06. Cocktouch Mountain (the Hypercone of Ylem)
07. Hovering Glass Pyramid of Extinction

Extra

01. Burning Bush Monkey
02. Extermination
03. Four-Dimensional Intercourse Pentagram
04. Bunny-Induced Amnesia
05. Flying Combat Sharks
06. Hypersphernography
07. Rotten Crawling Things

If you want to listen before downloading, here's one song:



I'm really, really proud of this whole album, since, you know, it's so huge and stuff, and like I said, all the variety. I've never succeeded at doing anything as clear-sounding before either, so that's another thing I'm really proud of. Although some people might feel like the lack of distortion, brutality, etc. is me "selling out", it's obvious that it's not; if I was to "sell out", I'd start selling my music, you know. :P Which, mind you, is perfectly possible at some point in my life if I just get the chance to do that. But for now, it's not, so I don't care, and I do whatever I want, and right now that's stuff that sounds like this.

Anyway, some of the vocals are pretty damn distorted in a lot of songs, since my brother suggested that (probably didn't mean that much, but well... xD) and that's one of the reasons that I'm really proud of it. So it should go without saying that I couldn't have done with album without my brother, who gave ideas and helped me a lot by just that. \(ᴼᴗᴼ)/

Please, everyone, share this album with your friends, "like" on Facebook, and subscribe on Youtube and "like" the songs there, etc. and whatnot, post it on your blogs/whatever, and so on, since there's that music blog extinction going on, and it's making it even harder to get any publicity at all.

Extermination + thanks, Total Deathcore! :D

So, a song about Daleks, just because. Oh, and yeah, there's that "exterminate!" sound sampled in it, and I hope nobody is offended by it and no one will sue me for it, it's just a second or two in the whole thing, and it's a sort of tribute song to Daleks, since they're epic, and Doctor Who in general, since it's one of the best TV serieses ever.

Download: http://www.mediafire.com/?j4yn7kx6aakovkh



...and also, TD linked one of my songs in their Facebook ("Black Hole Tentacles"), and that got me a bunch of likes and stuff, so THANKS all of you, and especially TD, etc. and yaaayyyy. :D

Smunctrum + film review: Sucker Punch + "art"

Greetings, people of... tortoisopotatia? I don't even know, but I've... uh, come back from, um, doing stuff. So, the big announcement is:

You might be thinking "What? What's Smunctrum?" and well, you have all reason to be confused or annoyed or whatever. But yeah, it's a new band. For the time being, yes, this is practically another solo project, although in the future it  won't be. And you know what's awesome? That other person is Nves. Yeah, that way underrated genius. This is the first song of something that will be epic in epic amounts.

Yeah, you're probably not convinced by it being epic, but well, let me explain: this first song doesn't have anything recorded by Nves, so yeah, it's not as epic as it would be if he'd have done some actual stuff to it as well. The reason he didn't? He's busy working on the new MAXD album, which I can't wait for... hopefully it'll be finished this year... or otherwise this Smunctrum thing won't really begin until next year, but oh well.

Anyway, when you see "experimental industrial rock/nu metal", that's the only way it can be put for now. I mean, there's a very simple groovy main riff that's been used in at least a thousand rock songs, hip hop beat-like drums, screamed vocals, clean vocals, rapping... wait a second, did I just say rapping? You know, I did, and it's true, and while I'm obviously not the best at that, with some little help by Nves, I managed to make it sound tolerable by using a shitload of effects (but that's not even very noticeable!). Of course, there's only one part near the end with rapping, unless you count the "keep your hands off, I'm on fire" parts as rapping. I don't, so it's just near the end. Anyway, the synth also is very basic, as is the bass, blah blah. It's a very simple song, okay? Don't let that misguide you into thinking it wouldn't be good. You know how usually I'm all self-hating? Notice how that's all gone? It's all because of the great Nves. Do I sound like a fanboy who's been given a ticket to heaven? If I do, well, you should understand. Anyway, yeah, well, there are deathstep-influenced parts, a psytrance-influenced part, blues-influenced parts, etc. and of course, I couldn't have succeeded at doing this entirely by myself; I mean, yeah, I technically somewhat did it all by myself, but Nves gave tips and stuff, helped with the concept, etc. and in songs that will be done later, well, he'll be involved in the actual making of the songs more than just that and the little effecting (if that's a word), which I, honestly, can't wait for at all. But I'm kinda worried how messy things might get if we both do "everything", you know, but well... that's a problem that will be at that time.

So, after this huge long rant, listen the song:


...but yeah, please "like" it, comment, favorite, etc. blah blah, if you think it's nice or cool or whatever. Also, go check out Nves' youtube account and subscribe to him and stuff: http://www.youtube.com/user/NvesX He's one of the reasons I kind of like sort of like the color pink, by the way, so that makes him even more epic. Although a lot of that is because of a certain Jack as well, but whatever. :P

Oh, and one more thing, although I'm a bit late to say it. The movie "Sucker Punch" kicks ass so much, or should I say, PUNCHES ASS I'm such a kid. But yeah, I just saw it last night, and while it was as epic as I expected it to be, it was a bit underwhelming in that it lacked an epic finale, like a moment of defining the epic stuff that went on in the imaginary/fantasy world/whatever. Oh well, it was still a huge movie, really awesome in pretty much every way, and Emily Browning is so hot... ❤ Anyway, I don't understand how critics claim it's misogynist or whatever; it seemed pretty much like the opposite, even considering how it ended and had a depressing undertone and overtone with non-depressing stuff layered in between. Just think of it this way: 99% of guys, even in action/fantasy movies, don't become as epicizedly great at almost everything so fast, etc. and seriously, overanalyzing movies isn't a good thing. But well, it was an awesome movie, that's all I can say, although the dragon thing was also a bit underwhelming, it could've been so much more epic if there had been an epic battle (lol, I love epic battles...) in small scale as well as the big scale, as there usually are in fantasy films. But you know, I'm not complaining. I wouldn't complain about a movie unless it really sucked gotta avoid pun gotta avoid pun gotta avoid pun ass, since everyone has their own taste.

I should've said "two more things", but since that "one more thing" was a reference to a repeated line in that movie, you know... anyway, so, yeah, this blog post won't end here:

I did this "abstract art" thing, although it's really crappy and stuff, but well. Lick it, it's a thumbnail.

God pointed at me and said 'drop the bass'

...what? You think He pointed at me? No, no, He pointed at George W. Bush. And yeah, I just have to post this as a separate post and not just put it into the last one. Why? Because I think it's funny, and I'm selfish. So, without further ado,

Yep, I had to do that, just because... you know... I don't know, I'm amazed about how funny sampling Bush's centuries a few years old speeches in songs can be. Even if he hasn't been the president there for a while, and about when I started making music, that was pretty much when Obama got an erection elected. So, yes, in a way, it's super-lame to sample Bush's speeches, but I mean, he was a bit odd and funny, not really the kind of guy you'd expect to be a president, and that won't go away just because he's not in charge anymore. And in case you didn't know, this is the song, and I'm really satisfied with how it ended up being:
If only everything I did could be so epic... but for some reason, I only manage to make one or two good songs per album. Someday, I'll do a compilation of all the best songs I've done. Am I selfish today? Yes, oh yes, I'm so selfish that I'm typing like a homosexual closet sadomasochist. (No offence to homosexual closet sadomasochists intended).

And I think it'd finally be a good time to post this thing I did last year. Yeah, it's pretty much been exactly a year since I made it. Why did I never post it anywhere? Well, there's a good reason; I expected to use it somewhere, as an album cover or something... especially one certain album, but since that probably won't ever be made, it's pretty much useless to keep this hidden somewhere and just, you know, never put it online.

...if it's not obvious, it's some kind of man thingy. I don't know why he's like that, or what he is, but that doesn't matter. :P